There are moments in time, like a snapshot of life, that impale themselves on my memory. Moments that make me sit back in awe at these people that I had a hand in creating. Whole human beings.
It is usually something simple that will catch my breath. Walking hand-in-hand with Little Man and watching my girls on the path up ahead chattering happily about their adventure at the park. Blonde heads bobbing in the sun, smiles on their faces. It’s nothing earth shattering, but it is because in that moment it dawns on me that I gave birth to every single one of these people.
Sometimes it is something big. This last weekend watching my daughter have her best gymnastics meet of the season. I could barely breathe the whole time. I don’t know how she does it and the amazing part is that she is MY daughter. As they called off places for Vault, they made their way down to first and called her name. The look on her face was priceless. She wanted it so much which meant I wanted it for her. I watched her beaming in first place and my heart was full of a moment forever etched in my memory.
But mostly it is in the little moments. My oldest walking into the kitchen, towering above me and I am absolutely floored that he was once an infant in my arms. I know I won’t get these fleeting moments back. The best I can hope for is a really good memory as I grow older and they grow up. These moments in time that I want to keep bottled up on a shelf somewhere so I can go back and smell their sweet heads and watch their smiles and enjoy their snuggles.
Older parents often mention how fast time flies. How one moment you are walking floors at 3 a.m. with a fussy infant and the next you are sending them off to High School or watching them get married.
Once in a while, I will wish for time to pass, but then when it does, I am always begging it to stop. Stop moving. Let me savor. Give me more time before my little ones all fly away.
I want them to learn to fly. That is the order of things. I want them to leave the nest and be all grown up, even though I would really like to save them the struggles that come with all of this grown up stuff.
So I enjoy every moment I can. I sit with Little Man, or play cars. I watch the girls jump rope even though I’ve seen it a million times. Maybe one of those times will stick in my memory like glue. Their shiny faces and blonde heads bobbing up and down in time with the tune they sing.
Moments in time captured only in my memory.