Yesterday, my Facebook status read:
I apologize for my insane rant. I really did think you were my husband, although it seems I do NOT actually know his new phone number. Thank you, however for listening patiently and only asking who it was when I informed you that you would have to get a hold of me on a different number today until I figure out what went wrong with my phone. You were even kind enough to ask me what happened to it. Some gal will be lucky to have you if she doesn’t already.
Crazy lady on the phone
That one phone call to my new friend Earl is indicative of the crazy that my life has been recently. I keep thinking that if I can make it until ________, then life will slow down and I will return to some sort of quiet normalcy. But that moment keeps stretching out before me like the endlessness of the ocean.
Yesterday afternoon, I spent time researching SEO and sponsored posts. I even opened up the dreaded analytics. I was trying to figure out if I could make my blog bigger, perhaps even monetize a little more. You know, a little shopping money. I’d really like a new shirt. I came away from my computer torn. 1.)I have been blogging for five (six years in November) and much of the information I already knew and 2.) What is required is one thing I am lacking; time.
Time. My time is spent mostly trying to keep up. Keep up with laundry. Keep up with schedules. Keep up with chores. Keep up with dishes. Keep up…with all. The. Stuff. In the process of keeping up I do things like dropping my phone and calling Earl. Poor Earl. I make freezer crockpot meals, but forget to plug in the crockpot. I wash some of the laundry, but not the important stuff like school clothes and underwear.
And at the end of the day I realize that my dreams and aspirations are moving just a little further away. But I also know that my children will always come first. They come before SEO, they come before blogging, they come before my dreams of writing that huge blog post that goes viral. They are the most important things I will ever do. And since I am a tiny bit outnumbered, my desires may take a little longer.
So this morning when I woke up, I closed out all the tabs in my browser that were telling me how to write a sponsored post. I closed the tab that told me how to increase my traffic. I closed the tab explaining how to create a media kit. (For you non-bloggers, this is just all the stuff a “big” blog does.)
I will get there someday. But that day is not now. No. Now I have to help my anxious first grader learn to survive the world. I have to help my teenagers brave the big bad junior high. I have to support my spouse who just started a new job. I have to do the things that matter most.
Where does that leave blogging? Well, right where it is. It is what it is, you know? It is mine. It is my platform for writing and playing and getting to know people across the world. Sometimes it is just for me, even though others read it. But only when there is spare time.
That ever elusive time.