I only have a few small requests for this year. I’ve been good in the sense that I haven’t drawn on any walls recently or dumped any Q tips all over the house. I save that naughtiness for the children. As far as my motherly duties are concerned, I try to only yell at the children once or twice a day and that’s only when they do things like say, “Because why?” a million times. I have managed to keep everyone alive for another year and I think that deserves a reward of sorts.
I am quite certain you are shaking your head right about now. You are probably thinking of the time I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to come out. But I say that everyone is allowed at least one temper tantrum in a year. And, as previously mentioned, the children are all still alive probably due to my unwillingness to leave the bathroom. It is likely that you are also remembering the time that I completely lost my senses and yelled at everyone for leaving their crap all over the house. I know the neighbors heard, but really, can’t the kids just put their stuff where it belongs?
I know I have a few other blemishes on my record, but lets set those aside for a moment, shall we? Some of the items I want, dear Santa, requires some innovation and may take you some time to figure out, so let us get started.
I want a machine that will follow the cats around and turn into a scratching post, or a cat puke receptacle depending on the need of the cats. Think of all the problems it would solve.
I would like a maid to do the same thing for the children as mentioned in Item #1, but she should also pick up their stuff (see item mentioned above in naughty list) and put it away all day. Yes, I realize that is what I am currently doing, but I would like someone else to do it.
A new dishwasher. Our current one isn’t working well and I am tired of everyone complaining to me about how dirty the dishes are like it’s my fault.
An in-house doctor for the winter months. Think of all the trips to have the doctor glance in various ears that would save. Revolutionary, that’s what it would be.
“Me” time. And no, Santa dearest, grocery shopping alone doesn’t count.
Endless inspiration for all my writing aspirations. Too much? It was worth a try.
Enough sleep. I’m quite skilled at sleep deprivation, so this is kind of an “if you have time” item, but it would be a lovely addition.
Really, Santa, I would be quite content with just one of those items underneath my tree. I realize it might be a tight fit for the maid, but I will bring her a pillow and I’m certain we could make it work just fine.