The crazy lady
2012
You know that lady in the grocery store with the screaming kids who you wonder what in the hell possessed her to take those monsters out in public? Yeah, that lady. Well, yesterday, that lady was me.
Let me start by telling you what possessed me to take my little monsters out in public.
My husband and I were sick on Sunday. I’m not talking the usual under-the-weather sick. I’m talking kill-me-now and let-me-be-unconscious sick. Two parents should not be that ill in the same day. It’s not pretty.
And just in case you were wondering what a house run by 7 children looks like after a day like that, well, it looks like a house run by 7 children. There was popcorn and cereal everywhere. At some point frosting was applied to a graham cracker by small, well-meaning hands. Evidence from each meal that I declared, “Whatever, just eat something and get your siblings food too”, was littered across the counter, tabletops and floors. All cushions were removed from couches and used to build various forts. The old Barbie vanity was set atop the piano bench for some unknown reason. By the end of the day, I was begging them to do anything that wasn’t destructive and would leave me alone to sleep off my nasty illness. Movies were watched and more popcorn was spread about.
By Monday morning, the hubs and I were feeling better, but the children were terribly antsy. And since they are now off-track, it is up to me to entertain my people. So after making a small dent in the disaster, I allowed five of my brood to accompany me to the store. (1 boy was at school, the other glued to the computer.)
I should have known it wouldn’t end well for me. Dearest E began to exude her 3 year-oldness before we ever made it to the store. The volume of the music in the van offended her senses and she sat in the back covering her ears and screaming. I should have turned around right then and there because that is the best she behaved the whole time.
Upon arrival to the fated store, Mr. Baby determined that he did not want to sit in the cart. At all. Ever. I made him sit, but there was a lot of crying involved. Long crying. But that’s just how he is. I expected that. Miss E sluggishly followed me through the aisles for the first five minutes before I lost her the first time. A warning was given, “If you don’t stay with me, I am going to have to hold your hand.” It was met with, “NO!” and an accompanying pout.
I lost her two more times before I followed through with my threat. The following through, the actual parenting part, is where it all fell apart. What does a child do if he/she doesn’t want her hand held? You guessed it. She went limp. So I am pushing full cart with a crying baby while dragging my screaming 3 year-old by the wrist. I offered to let go if she promised to behave, but that was met once more by a definite, “NO”.
At least she was honest.
Miss L was quite the helper, thankfully, and offered to push the cart. I hauled Miss E up over my shoulder and carried her around like a hog-tied pig while she continued to scream her bloody little head off. I kept offering to return her to the ground if she would walk and stay with me. But each offer was met by yet another emphatic, “NO!”
At one point, I tired of carrying my little monster and set her down in the aisle to scream and kick while I found a few items. I was THIS CLOSE to being done. A kind mother of five and grandmother to ten stopped and told me of a time she left a child crying in the aisle. I appreciated that.
Finally, we made it to the checkout. I set the little monster on the ground and unloaded groceries onto the conveyor belt. The other children had earned candy for good behavior and this set off another tantrum because there was no way in hell that I was going to give in and let the monster have candy.
I kindly offered to trade the cashier for my daughter. She wasn’t amused. The screaming escalated as I paid for my hard earned bounty and I hauled my little monster over my shoulder once more. She cried all the way home and we both took naps.
I won no mother-of-the-year awards, but we survived the store. I informed my brood that this is why I shop at 9 o’clock at night when they are all in bed. Miss L nodded in understanding.
The next time you see a mother with a holy terror at hand and you wonder what possessed her to bring that demon to the store, just remember, it usually starts out with good intentions and necessity.
21 comments
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Bless your heart. Since nobody was killed, I think you should be nominated for sainthood.
My little guy loves to shop, but he’s still confined to a carseat, so that will probably change!
Kenja´s last [type] ..The Hotel Ghost
I know it’s not really funny, I was in the store observing a mom with the same problem (maybe it was the atmospheric pressure), but holy cow, I laughed through your whole blog. You should be mother of the year, who wants someone perfect?
This is why I feel like it is a vacation if I get out of the house with only two of the kids (I have four, 7, 5, and the twins are 18 months). This motherhood thing is rarely as beautiful as the greeting cards make it seem, but some moments are downright ugly. Surviving them is perfection, in my opinion!
IASoupMama´s last [type] ..Ten
Oh I so feel for you! I only have two and the youngest is 8 now. I can’t imagine how hard it is to shop with 5 little ones! I hope you got to relax once you got home
Stacie @ Snaps and Bits´s last [type] ..A Pound Of Flesh
You certainly have my vote for Mother of the Year! I remember the days of hauling out my boys from the mall kicking and screaming and I only had 2 of them. You are one brave momma!
Diane´s last [type] ..ITS* Getting Old…
I had an experience like that one time. We had just moved to Kansas and I had been painting so wasn’t looking my best when I had to go to the grocery store. Jill was about 2 and had a melt down at the store and I had to take her kicking and screaming out of the store over my shoulder. Would you believe a policeman saw this and stopped me and asked me what I was doing with Wyoming plates in this small Kansas town–very accusingly to say the least. I told him we’d just moved there and my husband was a C.P.A. with a local firm. The policeman knew the firm and boss Jerry worked for and BACKED off the attitude in a hurry….but it was an experience I’ve never forgotten. He was so threatening and obnoxious about my obviously being a bad parent because I had a screaming child….. until he heard that my husband worked for one of his friends.
Oooof. Stressful.
Thank you. I once silently sneered at those moms with screaming kids. Until that was me and I get glares, sneers, comments. Bring it on folks, the cupboards are bare and the toddler has an ear infection. Bite me.
gem´s last [type] ..The Sweet Sounds of a Chainsaw
Well at least you had one stranger commiserate compassionately with you! I totally feel you. And the denying of reward candy only amps up the tantrum, but you stood strong!! AND… it sounds like your older daughter is quite the little helper, so you have that going for you. But I was cringing and sympathizing with you the whole post. Hope you’re feeling better and none of the kids get sick!
Kim at Mama Mzungu´s last [type] ..Are you a cynic or a sucker?
Do all your shopping at Walmart and all this falls away. Everybody has their won problems at Walmart, so nobody cares about yours. Oh unless you let the toddler carry your Mike’s hard lemonade to the register. That may get a few stares, but it’ll mainly remind people they need to pick up beer.
Erica M´s last [type] ..yeah write #80 is open: week three of the four-week $100 Amazon gift card challenge
I don’t have kids, but, gosh, I have been in a store when all hell broke loose. Bless your heart. We can all relate to this–even without having children. We all dread public humiliation.
Kathy´s last [type] ..Redefining Front-Porch Culture: Bloggers and a World-Wide Notion of Neighbor
Holy smokes! I think you should have a MOTY award for sure! I have three sons (just turned 7, 2.5 and 1) and the thought of taking them out a lone practically terrifies me.
I’m glad you made it through.
Dawn Beronilla´s last [type] ..Faith
You have my undying admiration. I do everything in my power not to take my 1 with me when I go to the store because I just can’t deal. And I’m certain that I buy a heck of a lot less than you because I do not have as many mouths to feed. I hope you’re feeling better and the next trip to the store is completely uneventful!
Michelle Longo´s last [type] ..Think About Lemons.
Wow, the next time I have to take my two kids to the grocery store and I’m complaining about it I will think of you. You should get a medal for just leaving the house!
Trisha´s last [type] ..right now
I confess I would have to be on the brink of starvation before I could endure a shopping trip like yours. Kudos for making it through the check out lane without losing your mind!
Vanessa´s last [type] ..5 Things About Menopause
Oh! THIS is the stuff great blog posts are made of!!!! No joke, when crazy is exploding all around me, I almost always think, “Well, at the very least, this is a great post.” And, I feel like you’re being sarcastic when you say “I appreciated that.” Am I right? =)
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife´s last [type] ..Courage: Body Attack Edition
Perfect timing for this story. I’m visiting my kids at college and itookmy daughter and her boyfriend out for dinner. Telling stories, I reminded her of the time she threw such a big tantrum the minute I got to the store that I picked her up, barrel style, by the waist and carried her out screaming. I had only gotten there so hadn’t put any time in yet unlike you. I’m with you in this story as I’m sure all the other moms will agree!
Gina´s last [type] ..Don’t Poke The Mama Bear!
There are those days when surviving the store is the best that can be hoped for.
I’m glad that mom stopped by and tried to encourage you with her own story. That is very refreshing in a time when so often moms are judging other moms.
Tracie´s last [type] ..The Third Party Presidential Debate and Political Choice
Oh lord, bless you and your kids. 7? You have 7? You are a saint.
OH, I have been that mother. She is me and I am she, and I am having an argument right now with someone who wants out of time out but refuses to promise to behave.
Jester Queen´s last [type] ..Seasonal Reflections
Vanessa said it best – brink of starvation! I’m so impressed that you even left the house with them at all.
Our posts were a perfect match this week. You’re exactly the type of grocery store mother I’ll be looking for to provide that babysitting birth control.