Money
2012
“Not everyone can be bought,” she said.
She stared down at her tattered clothes, dirt smudged across her jeans, her flip-flops disintegrating into nothing. She ran a hand through her greasy hair then looked up at him.
“I’m not trying to buy you,” he said.”I just want to help.” He stretched out his hand, the money folded neatly.
She turned her head, whether in shame or fear, he couldn’t tell.
“Here. I’m serious.” He pushed it toward her, willing her to accept help.
He had been coming to this Walmart food court during his lunch break for two months. The first time he had seen her, he had been surprised by her apparent filth and observed how everyone, employees included, steered clear of her. He would sit in his corner booth and watch her. Once, she caught him staring and sprinted out of the store, her face flushed red. After that, he was much more careful in his observations.
She was always alone and sat and fidgeted with her hair or ran her finger over the deep groove in the table. Always the same table. He could see how she could be attractive if she were given a shower and some clean clothes. Maybe a little makeup would even out her sun-worn skin.
It quickly became a habit for him, coming to this table, wondering what the girl did with her day. Did she sit here from the time the store opened until it closed? What did she do the rest of the day? Where did she live? Did she have a home?
Until one day last week, he had been content to be one of the many who observed her and left her to her own devices. It’s amazing how one moment can change so much.
He had come to lunch an hour later than usual that day, ordered lunch and sat in his booth. He almost forgot to look for the girl. Movement out of the corner of his eye and a quiet mouse-like voice caught his attention. The girl was standing at the corner of the lunch counter speaking to the elderly manager. He saw the manager nod his head and watched as she shuffled toward a table that contained two partially eaten meals. She sat down and ate as quickly as she could, her filthy hands shoveling food into her mouth with amazing speed.
He stood up and took his tray over to where she sat and set it on the table.
“You can have the rest, I’m finished with it.”
She stared at his tray, only one bite missing and carefully stretched out her hand to pull it toward her.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
A week later, he stood in front of her with his hand outstretched offering half of his paycheck to a complete stranger so she could shower and maybe buy some new clothes. Her resistance was crushing.
He let the money fall onto the table and walked out.
This week’s prompt was the first and last lines of this piece.
9 comments
Trackback e pingback
No trackback or pingback available for this article
Well done. I love the details you included. It paints a vivid picture without telling too much.
Wisper´s last [type] ..Money
Enjoyed your story. So true how everyone avoids eye contact with a difficult situation.
Robyn´s last [type] ..A beginning, an end, you add the middle
Fabulous! I’m here from Red Writing Hood. I write memoir, so I went a different direction, but this is seamless.
If I was going to offer some constructve crit, it is is one line:
“She was always alone and would sit and fidget with her hair or run her finger over the deep groove in the table.”
I would put in past tense.
She was always alone and sat and figeted with her hair or ran her fingers over the deep groove in the table. It was just a flip-flop in tense that stood out for me.
(Sorry, once a teacher, always a teacher…)
Still, you would have earned high marks in my book. Plus, you handed it in right on time!
Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson´s last [type] ..Putting My Faith in Boots That Pinch
Thanks for the concrit! I completely missed that.
I think it’s a really strong piece, from the details you captured about her actions to the way she ate and the way people averted their eyes. It’s one of those pieces where I care about the character after it’s finished; I hope she took the money!
angela´s last [type] ..Lies and Egyptian Cotton
I really enjoyed this! I loved the details about her hair and clothes, and the way he was drawn into what he didn’t know about her life. Well done!
NC Narrator´s last [type] ..Love Or Money
Interesting… Great scene and details, but I am left with a lot of questions. Despite seeing everything form “his” head, I am still wondering what his motivations are. I think he really does only mean well for the girl, but what about him makes him so compassionate? So likely to fixate on a stranger? What else is going on in his life?
Anything that gets me thinking is great writing!!
barbara @ de rebus´s last [type] ..bought
I really enjoyed this. You could feel his compassion for her situation but I think it would have been stronger if you gave a hint for his motivations. Was he once needing help, did he have a poor family background?
There is a small POV slip near the beginning. The entire piece is in his POV so this phrase: She ran a hand through her greasy hair then looked up at the stranger. needs to be fixed. He wouldn’t refer to himself as ‘the stranger’
Carrie´s last [type] ..Voice Week: The Reception V
Thank you for pointing that out! I totally missed it.