This week has flown by in a blur of my usual hectic schedule along with scooting Mr. Kitten off the counter, a broken IPad, a cranky toddler, laughing with my sister and various other chaos. Somehow it’s already Thursday and I have only accomplished a couple of the things I set out to do this week. As always, life is a learning experience and I have learned new techniques for survival this week.
1. When attempting to watch your son scrimmage because in all likelihood you will miss his Saturday game, you should bring food to pacify the baby. In the absence of food, be willing to beg some off a relative stranger for everyone’s sanity.
B. Distraction is your best friend. Baby is screaming? Just point to the sky and say, with much enthusiasm, “Look!! Do you see an airplane?!?” It works for a minute or two before screaming commences. There doesn’t need to be an actual airplane in the sky for this to work.
X. When attempting to complete a creative project, make sure children are plied with Halloween candy and television.
72. When other children come home from school and notice the empty bag of Halloween candy and complain that they didn’t get any, just blame your sister’s children who were there all day. Then just smile and nod when your son proclaims, “That explains it.” Everyone needs a good scapegoat.
T. Give the baby Ibuprofen for unexplained and prolonged crankiness. You’ll thank me later.
R. Really try to avoid any interaction with children before 7 a.m. Your morning will just go better.
QWERTY. The week before your children go off track will always fly by because you are counting down until life as you know it is officially over for 3 1/2 weeks. Being torn between being grateful for not having to do school lunch or homework is overridden by the idea that they will be around the house begging to be on the computer constantly.
45. Laughter is your best friend and makes everything all better. Truly. Just look at whatever your ridiculous moment is from the eyes of a stranger and start laughing. Laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
2. “Hurry, run. Go get the Kitty!” is an appropriate and adequate form of distraction and the main reason you have pets.
And now I must go change a diaper sagging to the floor and only being held up by pajamas that button up the front. I am also required to go slice apples for lunch, fix hair, bathe children and make it to my yoga class on time. Be jealous, my friends, be jealous.