posted by Stacey on children, church, large family

4 comments

I don’t really sew. I don’t. Really. Ok, so I have been sewing stuff. I swear it’s a temporary hobby. It takes up too much space, I’m not very good at it, and cursing is often involved. It’s not pretty. But since I have recently taken on some sewing projects, I thought I’d give ya’ll a step by step “how-to” type thingy majigger. (What? Majigger is totally a word. It’s like McJagger, only not.)

Here goes.

Step 1: Find a project on Pinterest that looks easy.

Step 2: Find a tape measure and measure all the girls in your house.

Step 3: Watch girls get all excited and think “Crap, I hope they don’t expect it to actually look good.”

Step 4: Read directions 5 or 6 times.

Step 5: Follow directions.

Step 6: Cut the material wrong, then sew it back together all the while repeating, “It’s ok, no one will notice.”

Step 7: Hem skirt so that the hem shows on the wrong side of skirt.

Step 8: Spend the next hour unpicking the hem.

Step 9: Curse when toddler who was so excited to wear her skirt, spills tomato sauce on it.

Step 10: Wash skirt and pray it doesn’t unravel.

Step 11: Sew 2 more skirts with baby on your lap.

Step 12: Tell yourself that THIS is why you don’t sew.

Step 13: Breathe a huge sigh of relief when you finish the final hem on the final skirt.

Step 14: Go get a massage to work out the kinks in your back from hunching over your sewing machine all weekend.

Step 15: Tell kids that it won’t hurt your feelings if they don’t want to wear their skirts.

Step 16: Be secretly proud of yourself when they all want to wear them to church anyway.

Step 17: Warn people not to look too closely at the skirts. If they know anything about sewing, it might hurt their eyes.

Step 18: Pack away sewing machine and declare that maybe next year you will try again.

But look! See how pretty! And I totally did it all by myself.

*Disclaimer* No one was hurt during this display of homemaking and all children scarred by the event will be provided with the necessary therapy upon the completion of their respective childhoods.

Tags: sewing