How to Wash Dishes Like a Ten-Year-Old
Washing dishes is the most despised of all possible chores. It is the chore that elicits the most complaints, tears and tantrums. Washing dishes is evil, apparently. But of all of the children, my ten-year-old is by far the most obnoxious. If you want to be just like him, here’s what to do.
1. Proclaim loudly and with much whining, “What!!! It’s my turn again!!”
2. Moan, mutter and complain to anyone who gets in the way about the injustice of it all.
3. Say “EWWWW” at every sippy cup you must wash.
4. Chuck dishes at the counter and watch as they fall to the floor.
5. When Mom proclaims that you had better watch it or you’ll be doing dishes every night for a week, make the face that says, “What did I do?” This may make her insane, however.
6. Allow the sink to fill up with nasty water and refuse to run the disposal.
7. Get the floor all wet despite Mom’s protests that she JUST MOPPED.
8. Say, “EWWWWW” some more.
9. Yell at any sibling brave enough to get within 10 feet of you.
10. Instruct all siblings in the proper etiquette of placing their dinner dishes on the counter, not in the sink. Never mind that you don’t do this yourself.
11. Mutter and mumble some more.
12. Declare how disgusting all the dishes are and announce that, “If people would just rinse their dishes off, this wouldn’t be so gross!”
13. Yell at all siblings about leaving breakfast bowls in the sink and how gross it is.
14. Ignore your mother who is sitting back laughing at all your rantings and ravings because so many of them are hers as well. It only matters if YOU are the one washing.
15. Last but not least, leave the wet towels you sopped up the floor with on the floor.